Moroni Doubts

Ok-so I guess it is safe to say he didn't want to stay in bed but he did doubt. Look at Alma 59:11 to see for yourself.
But it still isn't what you might think and Moroni teaches something of value to me in his doubt: Moroni doubts the people around him, but NOT the Lord.

I love to do lists…

especially if they come from the scriptures or the conference issue of the Ensign!

Reading in Alma used to be the “dreaded book” for me when I read the Book Of Mormon. It was so long, it seemed like it took forever to feel like you were getting somewhere…I don’t really know why anymore because I love Alma. The stories of Alma the younger, then all of those great missionary experiences and finally the strategies used in the war chapters are so interesting and inspiring. This time through as I have been reading the final chapters and studying those strategies I have been trying to figure out an analogy for my life. I haven’t been successful in that so much, but I can see how their faith and obedience is a good example of how to conduct yourself so that God can bless you with the strength to endure and even with deliverance. I know that is a recurring theme with me, but it is what I need. This year had been a difficult; one where I have needed strength and longed for deliverance. I feel weary, but I am determined to be obedient, faithful and rely on the arm of the Lord.

A few days ago I read this talk from Elder James B. Martino of the Seventy and it seemed to fit so well with the chapters I have been reading. One of the principles he teaches is that our Father in Heaven loves us completely and perfectly. With that love He permits us to have experiences that will allow us to develop the traits and attributes we need to become more like our Savior. He says” we may never know in this life why we face what we do, but we can feel confident that we can grow from the experience.” We CAN grow from the experience. I think it is completely up to us whether we grow or not.

Another statement that I loved (it really touched me and stuck with me): “To some, our trials may not seem great, but to each of us who are passing through these experiences, the trials are real and require us to humble ourselves before God and learn from Him.” I found comfort in those words and I also recognized them as one of the lessons I have learned from this past year.

As I read Helaman’s account in Alma chapter 58, he does that exact thing. They are worried about the city of Manti and how to reclaim it and they are weak and need provisions so they humble themselves and “pour out our souls” to God. And they received assurances from the Lord that He would deliver them, He spoke peace to their souls and granted them faith. Through that experience they found the strength that they needed. And by the end of the chapter they are successful in what they needed to do and recognize the Lord’s hand in their lives. They have become more faithful and more obedient.

Elder Martino gives five examples from the Saviors life as lessons we need to be able to use our trials to become what the Lord intends. 1. Seek to do only the Lord’s will 2. Learn to not complain or murmur 3. Seek greater help from God 4. Learn to serve and think of others and 5. Forgive and do not pass blame.

So that is my to do list!

A Matter of Choice

I participated in a discussion about making wise choices with my YW. We followed up with an activity to make some bulletin boards where the girls could put pictures or quotes of things that reminded them to continue to make good choices. I made a tag for them to put on their boards. I have thought how true and how important that statement is: EVERY Choice Matters.

Everyday there are so many choices. Some of the choices are made over and over each and every day. One of those choices for me, is to choose to think about positive things and not get bogged down in worries.

One of the choices I make to help me, is to choose to study the scriptures and the living prophets everyday. And today I read some things that help me to stay focused on the positive. It came from this talk in the April 2010 General Conference. The whole talk is great, and I underlined so much of it--but I will just share these two highlights: There is no failure except in giving up. It is never too early or too late to begin. And: May I add, don’t look at today’s trials as eternal. Heavenly Father does His work in the long term. “There is much which lieth in futurity,” the Prophet Joseph Smith said. “Therefore, . . . let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed” (D&C 123:15, 17).

Then I read this on a blog today: From author C.S. Lewis, “Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what he is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised.
“But presently he starts knocking the house that in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is he up to? The explanation is that he is building quite a different house from the one you thought of-throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards.
“You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but he is building up a palace. He intends to come and live in it himself.”

I know that my Father in Heaven and Christ can make more out of me and my life than if I try to do it alone. But that doesn't come naturally to me.One of the most important choices I need to make everyday is to let His arm be revealed, to not fight growth.

El Tour Training

Look at these two! They have just returned from a 30 mile bike ride in preparation for El Tour. I am proud of them for working at their goal to ride this year. They had fun time together too! **This is pre-accident, but Maryn is already back to exercising and used the bike trainer this week. 

Fall Love

I have stayed pretty busy, especially the last couple days, without too much time spent at home. That is my excuse for why I am still catching up with the blog posts.

I love fall. It is my favorite time of year--I think I might have mentioned that before. Living in Arizona has only increased my love for all things fall because we don't really get fall. So I have to create fall inside my home. I couldn't wait to get my fall decor out, and as soon as the 50th anniversary was over I packed up summer and put out the pumpkins and leaves. I swear it is cooler outside now too! :)

I took pictures of the new things that I did this year. I should have taken before and after photos of my centerpiece. I took an old arrangement that I had and made this. The only thing I had to buy was the green foam to go into my wood crate. I love it.This is my new favorite color combo. I have to find a way to use it permanently in my house somewhere.These are new wreaths for the front door, with a lovely quote I found on another blog. I thought it described my feelings about fall.

If it were just that easy

We went to a Chinese buffet for dinner on Saturday and look at the fortune in my cookie....

I WISH!

She is OK

Well, my sigh of relief did not last long! Maryn was in a car accident Friday Night! She has had a rough year this year with physical health trials--especially lately. Knee surgery, than the quad accident on our vacation, which I still need to blog, she hurt her back and missed a few days of work and now this accident. Really the accident is more of a nuisance than anything else, but that is easy to say after the fact. Of course your heart skips a beat till you get that vital information that all is well. Kelly and I were home watching a movie when she called and I could tell something was wrong when he answered the phone. My first three questions went like this: 1. Is she okay? 2. which one is it? (meaning which daughter) 3. is she doing another April fools joke? Yes, it was necessary to ask! :)

After Maryn related the details, she made us feels comfortable with just staying home while she took her friend to be checked out. She was handling the situation really well, no major drama, which is awesome. We finished our movie and started getting ready for bed. Well, things just went downhill from there. None of us got much sleep--they waited in the ER lobby and we waited at home--all the while thinking that one more hour and they would be home. It was miserable. And we felt so sorry for Maryn! Finally at about 10 AM we had had enough of the slow treatment, we knew where to get her keys so we went down to rescue Maryn. We were so effective that we were able to get her home by about 4 PM! (read sarcastically!) What a terrible ER experience. I know that all ER visit are not that great, but this wins for the worst hospital experience for our family. So after 17 hours in the ER Maryn was able to come home and the first thing she did was take a nap. She deserved it!

So the story is: she was with a friend on the way to the institute dance-they were almost too, so no they didn't make it. The car that hit her had a young girl with a brand new license and she was lost. She was on the phone with a police officer getting directions and when the officer told her to turn, she did (!), straight into Maryn. The car behind Maryn stopped to avoid hitting Maryn and then the car behind that car rear ended the 3rd car. The driver of the 4th car was drunk, had alcohol in the car and so he took off, with the police in pursuit. But the damage to Maryn's car doesn't look that bad. We drove it home so that is good, it just sounds like the door isn't closed!

Now she has to do jump through all the crazy insurance hoops--annoying--but we are just counting our blessings. Once again things could have been bad, and even though this isn't fun to deal with, the important thing is that she is ok.

Mothering

I asked Maryn last night if I could breath a sigh of relief, even for just a little while, because it seems that both of my girls are in a pretty good place right now! I just hope it is not the calm before the storm. I am not ready for another storm.

That is so typical of me. I find it so interesting how faith and fear fight this battle in my heart. If faith isn't paying attention, fear creeps in at the first sign of weakness. And doubts try to take root. Just like that. Why not just enjoy the calm and not worry about a storm?

Just like when I talk to Kelsey--a rare occurrence! She is always so busy and on the go, but she sounds happy. Really happy. I miss her so much, but the sting is gone when I hear the joy in her voice. I feel peace and it feels like yes, we did the right thing.

But then those doubts. Is it too soon to tell? what if she does something crazy again? did we really do the right thing? And I have to fight fear off with faith. Taking that risk of sending her off to college, now, seemed to be a crazy choice when you took everything in account--except the spirit. But we did listen to the Spirit. And I have to have faith in that decision.

Kelsey is finding such joy in being in charge of her life and seems to be doing a great job at it. Isn't that what it is all about? These last 3 weeks have taught her more about agency and Heavenly Father's plan. She is not just learning, she is applying those principles in her life. She is experiencing the joy of living the gospel. Is their a better safe guard against Satan and his temptations? I believe it will be harder to trade what she has felt and experienced on her own. Once you feel it for yourself, it is harder to stray and be without peace and joy. Not that mistakes aren't made. Heaven knows, I make mistakes, but the desire to stay on the path, and make things right is stronger. (My hope is that she will want to keep the feelings she has felt. Is that faith or fear speaking there?)

"With the Lord and through Him, we can be strengthened to be who we need to be....And the Lord will help us, for He loves these children even more than we do. He loves them and He will bless them." Cheryl C Lant

I believe that statement. I feel it working in my life.

Did Moroni ever just want to stay in bed?

Monday was a difficult day. It didn't start out that way, but I shut down. Kelly said it was like a light switch and it felt that way for me too. In an instant I just felt like "it" was all too much. I couldn't stand the thought of another week full of days that came and went with no difference, no solutions. Most of the "solutions" I am looking for feel out of my control--or are they actually out of my control? Sounds like a stupid question, but really it is an important one. If they are out of my control-well there you have it. I need to let them go. I am searching for the impossible. If they only feel out of my control than I need to keep working on the solution.

As I read in Alma 46 today I thought to myself: Moroni probably wondered if the nation wavering in their beliefs was out of his control or not. It was then I wondered did he even think for one nanosecond about just going back to bed? Of course not, first of all he is a guy... and then second of all, he is Moroni. (that is probably the first of all really, but you know what I mean). So what did he do? He started with himself, what he believe in and then he prayed to know what to do. He followed the spirit and ended up making the difference between people dying from the rages of war, to dying of old age firmly believing in the Savior. Wow. And thank goodness my choices aren't affecting a whole nation. But they can affect generations. Elder Hollstrom's talk in the conference issue mentions that. But my favorite part in his talk is at the end. He says: "If you feel you have been wronged—by anyone...or by anything...—deal with the matter directly and with all the strength you have. “Hold on thy way” (D&C 122:9); giving up is not an option. And, without delay, turn to the Lord"

That is what Moroni did. Exactly.

Elder Hollstrom continues: "Exercise all of the faith you have in Him. Let Him share your burden. Allow His grace to lighten your load. We are promised that we will “suffer no manner of afflictions, save it were swallowed up in the joy of Christ” (Alma 31:38). Never let an earthly circumstance disable you spiritually."

I am on the right track. My desires are good and I know that I need the Lord's help. I am still doing all the things that I know are right. I want to do what is right. I just need the strength to keep going-to deny myself the choice of going back to bed. It all comes down to the hope that someday it will make a difference.

Then this paragraph which is so full of hope: "His most exemplary act, the Atonement, required Jesus to descend “below all things” (D&C 88:6) and suffer “the pains of all men” (2 Nephi 9:21). Thus we understand the Atonement has broader purpose than providing a means to overcome sin. This greatest of all earthly accomplishments gives the Savior the power to fulfill this promise: “If ye will turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart, and put your trust in him, and serve him with all diligence . . . , if ye do this, he will . . . deliver you out of bondage” (Mosiah 7:33)."

I am pretty sure that means I can figure out what is in and out of my control. I can find out what to do. And even if my heart isn't ready to do what is required right now, this instant, He can make my heart ready. So when I feel like I can't do it anymore, and the bed looks like the perfect place to go, if I continue on my way and go to the Lord in prayer, I will know how to continue and I will find the strength to continue. And the difference may only be in me, but that is a huge difference.

Golden

We celebrated my parents 50th wedding anniversary August 27, 2010. They are still serving their mission here in Tucson, so we held the festivities here. All said and done it turned out fine, actually it turned out great! There are things I would do different and things I would do the same. But they loved it and that was really the point--to make them happy. I had to keep reminding myself of that during the planning process. This was one of the hardest things I have ever undertaken and when I would get discouraged Kelly would remind me that I was doing it because it was the right thing to do. I didn't want to do it in the first place, then it was really difficult to get all of my brothers and sisters and in-laws ideas, communication was pretty much a nightmare--the distance, summer vacations. Just the timing of the whole thing, having to try to work all the party stuff out when the relationships are strained was difficult. I have no regrets-because I did my very best. I am proud of myself for doing something hard, because it was right. I am proud of how it turned out.

And that night, it all came together. Even if it was just for those few hours, we came together as a family. We just partied and celebrated my parents golden anniversary.

The celebration we planned was to have just a blow-out party! Where we danced, visited, ate some yummy food and just had a blast! We tried to keep as much of it a secret as we could from mom and dad. We invited friends and family from far and near and had a great turnout. Jeanene Malan came and so did the Peterson's from Utah and then many of their friends from here in Tucson and San Manuel.

We had mom and dad picked up from their suite at the Ritz Carlton in a Limo! I wanted so badly to see her face when she saw that car, but we just couldn't work it out. It was fun to have them arrive at the party in the limo, too. The kids were so excited and just darling. They formed a tunnel for them to walk through.

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Here is a great shot of all of us when they arrived at the party.

We started the evening off with mom and dad telling their story and then dancing to their song: "The Twelfth of Never". I love Karsyn and Camille in the background of this picture of mom and dad, they are so sweet watching them dance. Our family likes to dance, but also mom and dad did a lot of dancing while they dated and throughout their years together, so we thought that would be a perfect way to spend the night. In between dancing we planned some entertainment. Chris and Alexis sang, Jordan and Skyler and some of the other grandgirls sang, we played a scavenger hunt game and we also had some trivia about their 50 years together.

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Here are a few pictures of the decorations

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