Monday was a difficult day. It didn't start out that way, but I shut down. Kelly said it was like a light switch and it felt that way for me too. In an instant I just felt like "it" was all too much. I couldn't stand the thought of another week full of days that came and went with no difference, no solutions. Most of the "solutions" I am looking for feel out of my control--or are they actually out of my control? Sounds like a stupid question, but really it is an important one. If they are out of my control-well there you have it. I need to let them go. I am searching for the impossible. If they only feel out of my control than I need to keep working on the solution.
As I read in Alma 46 today I thought to myself: Moroni probably wondered if the nation wavering in their beliefs was out of his control or not. It was then I wondered did he even think for one nanosecond about just going back to bed? Of course not, first of all he is a guy... and then second of all, he is Moroni. (that is probably the first of all really, but you know what I mean). So what did he do? He started with himself, what he believe in and then he prayed to know what to do. He followed the spirit and ended up making the difference between people dying from the rages of war, to dying of old age firmly believing in the Savior. Wow. And thank goodness my choices aren't affecting a whole nation. But they can affect generations. Elder Hollstrom's talk in the conference issue mentions that. But my favorite part in his talk is at the end. He says: "If you feel you have been wronged—by anyone...or by anything...—deal with the matter directly and with all the strength you have. “Hold on thy way” (D&C 122:9); giving up is not an option. And, without delay, turn to the Lord"
That is what Moroni did. Exactly.
Elder Hollstrom continues: "Exercise all of the faith you have in Him. Let Him share your burden. Allow His grace to lighten your load. We are promised that we will “suffer no manner of afflictions, save it were swallowed up in the joy of Christ” (Alma 31:38). Never let an earthly circumstance disable you spiritually."
I am on the right track. My desires are good and I know that I need the Lord's help. I am still doing all the things that I know are right. I want to do what is right. I just need the strength to keep going-to deny myself the choice of going back to bed. It all comes down to the hope that someday it will make a difference.
Then this paragraph which is so full of hope: "His most exemplary act, the Atonement, required Jesus to descend “below all things” (D&C 88:6) and suffer “the pains of all men” (2 Nephi 9:21). Thus we understand the Atonement has broader purpose than providing a means to overcome sin. This greatest of all earthly accomplishments gives the Savior the power to fulfill this promise: “If ye will turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart, and put your trust in him, and serve him with all diligence . . . , if ye do this, he will . . . deliver you out of bondage” (Mosiah 7:33)."
I am pretty sure that means I can figure out what is in and out of my control. I can find out what to do. And even if my heart isn't ready to do what is required right now, this instant, He can make my heart ready. So when I feel like I can't do it anymore, and the bed looks like the perfect place to go, if I continue on my way and go to the Lord in prayer, I will know how to continue and I will find the strength to continue. And the difference may only be in me, but that is a huge difference.
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