I really fall somewhere in between Percy and Annabeth. I totally agree that pride is fatal. There is plenty of proof of that in the scriptures. Like Percy, I think if I controlled the world, it would be a mess. Actually, that is being to humble. It would be a disaster. Thankfully it is out of the question. But like Annabeth, there are things in my own world I want “done differently”. And if I am not mistaken, that is the definition of pride—my will not Thine be done. That is NOT who I want to be, yet I say and have said many times in my life. “I don’t want to do it this way!” “Why can’t it be this way?” And I argue about it, and hurt about it and cry about it for too long. Most of the time, like a typical two year old, after my temper tantrum, I realize what I really need to do. I ask for Heaven’s help and the strength to endure and to overcome. But the time that has been wasted can’t be replaced. I have to take down walls that should have never been built. The first thing I should do is run to Him, but not to “change His mind”. But to find peace and assurance that the gospel is the answer.
But that was like reading the last chapter of the book! This isn’t a mystery novel, so I am sure that you have figured out that I have been in the temper tantrum phase. I see a road ahead that might be bad and I have been refusing to budge. Afraid to move, because I don’t want to go down that road. Yet, it isn’t even my choice. So dumb. Anyway, I am trying to manage that and still function with the spirit…ahem…and trick question…how do you think that is working out for me? I feel like I am treading with all my might to stay afloat, and I am getting worn out. Sound about right?
Yesterday, it was all I could do to not pound my fists on the floor, in another attempt to change my world. I felt so heavy laden. By the time night came around I was brought to tears for all the pain and suffering I see around me. And there is so little I can do—offer a listening ear, a hug or a prayer. It felt like so little. I decided that it must be the sign of the times, the end has got to be near, because Satan is working overtime. And not just on me. There are so many good people enduring really hard trials. And just really weird things happening too. It just seems like there is more to it than just “normal life”
And I felt sorry for me too.
Anyway, I go to the scriptures this morning and the plan is to study some more of the references I have for pride. I turn to 1Peter 5:5 and it is okay, but I read on. Verse 6 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: 7 casting all your care upon him for he careth for you. 8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: (no kidding) 9, 10 But the god of all grace who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.
Ahh. Yes. I think about the meaning of perfect, stablish, strengthen and settle. I want those things, I need to focus on those things. I go online to see if there are any talks that reference 1Peter 5. I found some great things said by John Taylor.
“I know that as other men we have our trials, afflictions, sorrows, and privations. We meet with difficulties; we have to contend with the world, with the powers of darkness, with the corruptions of men, and a variety of evils; yet at the same time through these things we have to be made perfect.”
And this one I especially love. “It is necessary that we should know our own weaknesses, and the weaknesses of our fellow men; our own strength as well as the strength of others; and comprehend our true position before God, angels, and men; that we may be inclined to treat all with due respect, and not to over value our own wisdom or strength, nor depreciate it, nor that of others; but put our trust in the living God, and follow after him, and realise that we are his children, and that he is our Father, and that our dependence is upon him, and that every blessing we receive flows from his beneficent hand. “
Good, huh? Yep, the gospel has all the answers. Everything is found in the Plan of Salvation.
I go back to view more references and I laughed out loud. Elder Uchtdorf “Pride and the Priesthood”
I think I felt the door hit me in the behind on that one.
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